My beloved husband, Kent, died in January 2012, 3 years after diagnosis of a brain tumour. Our son was 2 1/2 and our daughter 3 months old. He and I were far too young. I am now hurtling through the black space of life without him.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Smashing Apples

The white waves
crashed over the rocks,
froth spilling beautifully
over the jagged edges
and filling the spaces
like smashing apples.
The wind blew through
my coat
finding only bones
and empty spaces
where once stood
you and I.


This loss,
this grief,
is like
no other.
we were one,
now I am
it feels

Without you

It doesn't matter where I go
nor what I do
every night
I lay my head
in a bed
without you.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Mary Oliver

"Come on, take the journey, you, me and all, take the the step. No matter time or distance, all irrelevant.
For a broken spirit the longest journey is to the front door to open it."

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Dinner for Kent

Dinner for Kent                               
Saturday 21st September
Kent’s 37th Birthday

Hi everyone,

As always, I have a few things to say, but thought writing rather than talking tonight would be a lot easier. Thanks for coming. I hope we have a nice time. They say this idea is hard at first, but it gets a little easier over the years, and that it is good to gather together to remember/celebrate/mourn.

Do swap seats over the evening if you would like to, and come round and say hi. I may have to race off quickly with Reuben and Esther after 7.15 and probably won’t manage 35 goodbyes, so hope to catch up with you during dinner. I hope you’ll also find an opportunity to talk with each other about Kent.

We talk about him often at home and Reuben still seems to have some memories of him. I hope that we can all teach them more about Kent as they grow older. Words can’t say how hard it is (though I do try! Thank you those of you who read my stuff) but I miss him so much that my bones ache, and wonder how to do life without him, though we seem to be doing it anyway.

Kent’s headstone is now in place at Whenua Tapu. I’d love you to go and see it sometime.

You have found a place in my heart, and so that place is yours.
It will fly your flag, speak your language, and honour you with festive parades forever.
(- unknown)