My beloved husband, Kent, died in January 2012, 3 years after diagnosis of a brain tumour. Our son was 2 1/2 and our daughter 3 months old. He and I were far too young. I am now hurtling through the black space of life without him.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012


I read an article recently (I'm sorry I can't find it again) about the family who lost their two year old triplets in a fire in Doha. The article said that their father, Martin Weekes, "is reminded of his children every day." What an unbelievable statement. I assume it came from the writer, and not Mr Weekes himself. His children died 4 months ago and something happens each day that reminds him of them?!

I expect this is how it is. He wakes in the morning having had dreams about death, or about pain, or about desperation. The knowledge that his children have died doesn't hit him all over again, as it has sat with him even in his sleep. A heaviness hangs in his room but he has to get up to go to work. The sun is shining which is such a mismatch with his reality. He has breakfast in the kitchen and knows only how quiet it is without three toddlers to join him. He gets things done at work, holds conversations, writes, chats, goes to meetings, whatever, but there is a weight on his shoulders that never lifts and all the time he knows there is something very wrong. He wonders about his ability to function, but appreciates having something different to think about for a while. At home again he greets his wife in the still quiet house. They have dinner, but it hardly seems to matter what they eat as there are no children to feed and nurture. The kids plates are still in the cupboard, they reach past them to get their own. With noone to bathe or put to bed, the evening feels long. Nothing seems worth doing. TV is either too cheery or too sad. So are novels. Newspapers are full of news that doesn't really matter anymore. He gets a few things done then heads for bed, wary of the thoughts that come with the darkness. And aware that tomorrow is the weekend. Everyone will be out with their kids. So they'll probably just stay at home.

And there's the crying of course. That's not for writing about.

So yes, he does indeed think of his children every day. But he doesn't need to be reminded.

I know nothing about the Weekes family or how they manage this journey and their grief. Neither is it any of my business. This is entirely how I imagine it to be based on my own experience.

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